Dance Like Someone Is ALWAYS Watching
Seriously, I am so tired of that motivational saying or inspirational poem or whatever it is, Dance Like No One is Watching. I’m sick of it, because I’ve done just that.
I’ve danced my ass off in front of tons of people I know and danced like I was invisible or possibly wearing some sort of disguise.
I’ve danced with friends in the middle of the dance floor.
I’ve been the weird hippie chick swirling around in a grassy spot alone beside the dance floor like she’s at a Grateful Dead concert while the song “Party Rock Anthem” was playing.
I have danced in the middle of a group of people line dancing to “Strokin.” I have never bothered to learn the dance, and I just kind of spin in circles like a four year old and say “Ooooh Clarence Carter. Oooh Clarence Carter. Ooooh sh*t,” a whole bunch.
This past weekend I danced like no one is watching just like the motivational poster says to do. This particular fundraiser is one of two parties a year that I attend and let loose at. This year I went a little overboard. I have tons of excuses as to why I was crazy wasted:
- I have been on the Paleo Diet and lost 27 pounds, and I didn’t realize I couldn’t drink like I was 27 pounds heavier anymore.
- I only ate one Lara Bar the whole day because I was waiting to get to the good food at the fundraiser.
- I apparently did not eat enough once I was at the party to adequately cover drinking a couple of glasses of wine and two shots of licorice vodka. (Licorice vodka?)
Excuses Aside This is What The Dance Like No One Is Watching Poster Leaves Out:
In order to dance like no one is watching I must first drink two glasses of wine. If I have not eaten yet that day it will put me in “dance like no one’s watching” mode just fine, because I am a lightweight. If I have eaten, I might need two glasses of wine and a shot.
The poster should say:
When You’re Sober, Dance Like No One’s Watching. When You’re Drunk Dance Like Everyone Is Watching With An iPhone And A YouTube Account.
Over the weekend when all of the above occurred, I danced like no one was watching right next to a speaker for a couple of hours. At one point I hugged the speaker because it was soft. Now a full 48 hours later my ears are still ringing and my legs hurt. Also, I ended up on stage and “danced like no one was watching” on stage with the band. I was on stage all of 30 seconds, because I happened to look out into the crowd and see a sea of camera phones. Filming. I focused in on my husband Nate who obviously was filming too. I gave him a quick tit shake and got the f*ck off the stage.
It was a sobering reminder that yes people are watching if you are dancing. You can pretend all you want, but people are watching. Unless you are in a room by yourself. Then you might be okay. Then maybe you can dance like no one is watching. But there’s always the possibility that there is a really advanced nanny cam system that is impossible to detect in the room.
For example, we have a camera system in our children’s playroom and our toddler’s room that allows us to monitor the rooms from our iPhones anytime, anywhere. So I can’t dance like no one’s watching in either of those rooms without the suspicion that Nate might be at work randomly checking in on the house watching me dance.
So from now on my new motto is always dance like someone’s watching. Especially if you’re totally wasted, dance like someone’s watching. Chances are they are in fact watching, and they are probably filming it.
A Couple of Other Messed Up Things That Happened:
- I informed someone that I have more Twitter followers than the Governor of Mississippi. I had no idea if that was true when I said it, but I checked. I have 100 less than the governor of the state of Mississippi. So I’m comin’ to get ya Gov! I’ll have more followers than you soon. Mandy for governor! I also don’t think the person I said it to has any idea or cares what Twitter is.
- The song “Jump” by Van Halen came on which made me get up to make a mad dash to the dance floor. Apparently “Jump” is my most favorite song of all songs when I’ve had too much to drink. I fell on my butt in front of a bunch of people on my way to the front of the dance floor. They were all older and looked horrified. I slurred something like, “It’s okay. I’ll write about this later.” Then I popped up and made my way to the stage.
Side Note: Nate was the designated driver. Always have a designated driver or hire a limo or call a cab.
It was a really fun party though.
Everyday I’m shufflin’.